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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE PRIDE GUIDE 2004 SECTION B

DRODD 2004

PRIDE

I now pronounce you...

Even though it is not yet recognized here, Ohio couples who travel to marry find that it strengthens their relationships and adds a new level of respect

by Eric Resnick

"Asking him to marry me was so much more than just, Hey, come live with me," said Henry Pabian of Canton. Pabian married Jason Rawls,

37, at a small City Hall ceremony in Toronto, Ontario on June 27, 2003.

"We were going to Canada anyway" that summer, said Pabian, 52.

The couple had been together as life partners four years before the rings were ordered. Rawls accepted Pabian's life partner proposal during a white carriage ride in New York's Central Park. But for them, it was not enough.

"Partner is a relative term," said Rawls, "but people respect the word marriage. It has instant definition."

Karen and Dorrie Andermills of Columbus agree that unclear, unfamiliar terms to describe their relationship were not good enough.

The couple was the first from Ohio to travel to Vermont on July 1, 2000 for a civil union. It was the first day Vermont honored the newly-created

status.

Even after Karen and Dorrie legally assumed the same last name in 2002 by combining their previous names, they felt they lacked the clarity enjoyed by their non-gay counterparts.

"The civil union was the best available at the

CITY HALL

said

time," Karen Andermills,

"but people don't know what a civil union is. We wanted marriage."

Liz Pesch, Nikki Raeburn and their son Joshua outside of San Francisco City Hall the day they got their license.

So the couple traveled to Windsor, Ontario on the third anniversary of their civil union and, with the help of a minister, "upgraded" to marriage.

Their family was not with them. Though their families, including Karen's stepchildren from a previous partner, are close and supportive, the couple is not comfortable inviting them to travel for something that "doesn't really count” because it is not honored in Ohio.

"We'll have marriage 3.0 when it's recognized here, then we'll invite everyone," said Dorrie.

For former Ohioans Nikki Raeburn. 36, and Liz Pesch, 38, the decision to marry came about quickly. The couple now lives in San Francisco, but met and lived in Cleveland.

San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom announced he would order city officials to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples February 12. Raeburn and Pesch were number 59 in line at San Francisco City Hall at 7:45 am the following day.

With their two-year-old son Joshua as best man, the couple was married by San Francisco Assessor Mabel Teng, who told them to hurry up and get their license filed quickly before the anti-gays could get a court to stop the marriages.

More than 4,000 couples married in San Francisco before the order came to stop.

Nick Staup, 36, and Rolando Ramon, 51, of Columbus, married in a church in Olinda, Ontario last November 28, after five years as a couple.

"It's not that marriage changed our relationship as much as it

Jason Rawls and Henry Pabian hold their Canadian marriage license.

strengthens it," said Ramon. "[Marriage] sent a rippling effect through our families that took the guessing out. They know that we are to depend on one another, and they know that they are each others' families. too."

Staup said that marriage improved his relationship with Ramon, in addition to the stability.

"It deepens the sense of honor and respect we feel, too,” said Staup, adding that the two have since put their financial accounts and insurance policies together.

Having lived through the 1980s and 1990s. Pabian also saw marriage as a way to protect Rawls.

"I know the stories of friends who passed," said Pabian. "There are horror stories of bad relatives."

Since their marriage is not recognized, "It may not be much, but it is a step."

Rawls said their neighbors know of their marriage, and have mixed reactions to it.

"The neighbor on one side thinks its cool," he said. "The one on the other side won't have anything to do with us."

"Older people seem to find our marriage harder to accept," added Rawls.

Immediately after their wedding, photos of Rawls and Pabian appeared on the cover of the Canadian Auto Workers magazine, and in an America Online story celebrating same-sex marriage.

Continued on page B-19